I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
