and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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