You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
