You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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