when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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