i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
