I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
