he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
a search helicopter?!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
