So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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