Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize