okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
