Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I CAN MOONWALK!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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