he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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