the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
