dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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