I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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