dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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