Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
