Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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