meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
