so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
