When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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