Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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