I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
