Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
