Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
