mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
