why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
