I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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