I must be too annoying 4 u.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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