speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
