i just had sex bonerless
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
