he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
