oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
