WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
