I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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