I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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