piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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