OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
