Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
