i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
