So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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