No stitches, just platelets and will power
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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