It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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