Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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