I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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