in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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