Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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