We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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