oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
