Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
