singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
