even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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