Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
someone owes me an orgasm
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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