i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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