when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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