Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
