Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
