I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
