trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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