No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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