If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
