I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
