Just cropdusted the office
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize